Audio Clips

“I’d love to shove a pipe bomb up their arses- give ‘em a good ‘Belfast breakfast’.’’

“I forgot to mention… Jenny Zubinsky stuffs her bra!!!”

“What’s the 411? Isn’t school grody? Teachers gross me out the door!”
Claude Carrot
Claude: I beat some bloke in a ‘cyber café’ and me cousin Reg in Greenwich.
Ian: Was he downloading free songs?
Claude: No, but believe me, he deserved it. He’s a right bastard.

Constable Duggins
Duggins: Say, could I have an autograph for me daughter? She’s a terrific fan.
Ian: Oh, sure. What’s your daughter’s name?
Duggins: Uh, her name’s ‘Constable Duggins.’
Ian: Your daughter’s name’s ‘Constable Duggins?’
Duggins: Well, she… you know.. well… cheerio!!

“All right, I won’t waste your time with any fannying about!”

Ian Apple
“I pity the poor fool who don’t like free music!”

“I’ve already downloaded 15 Shirley Bassey albums just this morning. Including her impossible to find record from 1984 on which she sings not one, but two songs about Mr. T!"

Ian: I mean we’re hung over, and strung out and… what the fuck happened to you?!
Shaggy: I couldn’t fly.
Ian: This one can’t even fly! We’re fucked!!

“Yeah, it’s Ian Apple. We’ve got a situation with our mini-bar. And this time get me that manager. I want the mechanic, not his oily rag!!"

Linus Pineapple
“Hey man, you smashed the tele! Now I can’t watch ‘Who’s the Vicar!'”

“I beat up two kids and an old man who didn’t even know he owned a computer.”
Shaggy Coconut
“I can fly! I can fly! I can’t fly!!!”

Simon Apple
“I owe, I owe, so off to work I go- right?”

Simon: Here’s your fucking battleship!!! Here’s your fucking battleship!!! Right in the crust of bread!!

“I’m uh… ‘Ted.’ From finance. I uh- I shaved off me mustache.”

“I love you. I fucking love you. If you ever shagged another bloke, I’d, I’d… (gunshot) Oh, bugger me!! You see, that’s how much I fucking love you!!!”

C5 (The Cherries)
Cherry 1: Great rehearsal you guys, that was totally extreme.
Cherry 2: Well you know what made it extreme. Teamwork!
Cherry 3: Ohhh yeah. You know what I feel like doin’ right now? Gettin’ a good night’s sleep!
Cherry 4: Not before we pray to god, to thank him for our talents and success!!
Cherry: (singing) I’m gonna win tomorrow, oh yeah. Yeah, I’m gonna answer the door, yeah yeah. I see my friend ohhhh…

Simon: Good evening, somebody order a bullet to the head? (Gunshot)
Cherry: I just got shot in the head…

“But I’m your biggest fan! I even bought your singing bass!”

Computer Voice
“Download complete. Initiating poison gas ventilation.”

Vic Figgis
“‘Allo ‘allo. Who’s the vicar? Yeah, that’s right- I am.”

Lousy Punk Kid
“Yo yo yo, check it out, ya’ll. Got the latest Rotten Fruit MP-free, right here on my portable player.”